


soul of mine

by sarahshelena



Series: orphan black with dæmons [1]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Backstory, Character Study, Child Abuse, Childhood, Daemons, Gen, Gift Fic, Same-Sex Daemons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9309731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahshelena/pseuds/sarahshelena
Summary: a small fic about rachel as a child, kept company only by her dæmon.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [villettes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/villettes/gifts).



> a gift for a friend. 
> 
> this is my idea of canon.
> 
> **dæmon AU**
> 
> (based on the 'his dark materials' book universe in which people's souls live outside their bodies in the form of an animal that reflects their human's personality.)
> 
> same-sex dæmons are rare, but just to make this AU a little different, and to signify the rarity of clones, all genetic identicals have a dæmon the same gender as the one they themselves were assigned at birth. to simplify: the leda clones have female dæmons and the castor clones have male dæmons.
> 
> **DÆMON FORMS**
> 
> rachel's dæmon is unsettled when she is still a child, but her name means "most beautiful" in greek.
> 
> * * *
> 
> leekie's dæmon is a black-billed magpie shown [here](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/tagged/magpie)  
> 

The room was small and stiflingly pink. There were pretty things, but they didn't belong to her. Rachel had her arm stuck out and a lady nurse was taking a blood sample.

Kallista, in the form of a tortoiseshell cat, prowled uneasily back and forth across the bed behind the nurse, every now and then butting her head comfortingly against Rachel as the little girl watched thick, red life pour into the vacuumed chamber when the nurse inserted the next vial.

It happened often when Rachel lived with her parents, so she accepted the stranger's request, albeit uncomfortably. No one but Mummy and Daddy had touched her before now, and she wasn't sure she liked it. The nurse hadn't put the magic cream on like Daddy did so it wouldn't hurt. The needle had stung but Rachel had bitten the inside of her cheek and refused to cry.

"Where is Mummy?" she asked as politely as she could, her voice high and sweet, "Where is Daddy?"

The nurse shook her head silently, averting her eyes after she withdrew the needle. She held a cotton ball to the small puncture in the crook of Rachel's arm, pressing down firmly for a minute or so to slow the bleeding, then tore some off the ball and rolled up the smaller piece, replacing the first and taped it down. She then turned away and began labelling the blood samples.

The door opened and Rachel turned. A tall, thin elderly man stepped into the room, dressed in a pressed shirt and trousers. His face was lined, his smile was fake and his dæmon was a magpie, her black markings shone with pretty colours: green, blue and purple. Rachel gasped, a sudden longing welling up within her; she wanted to stroke the silky black feathers and watch the colours play across the dæmon's wings.

But she clamped her mouth shut. It was utterly forbidden to touch another person's dæmon. The unspoken law went so deep Rachel couldn't even remember being told it was so. She simply knew it was wrong, and besides, she wouldn't like anyone else to touch Kallista, who had stepped up onto her lap, sniffing curiously.

No matter how much she wanted to reach up to the man's shoulder and run the tips of her fingers across the wings of his dæmon, she couldn't and never would.

"Hello, Rachel." he smiled, "I'm Doctor Leekie."

She didn't speak for a few moments, silently deliberating on whether or not she should answer him. He knew her name already, which was strange. She hadn't met him before and her parents had never mentioned a Doctor Leekie, at least not in her hearing.

"Hello," she replied stiffly, "Why am I here?"

The grey-haired man stopped and knelt beside her, placing a wrinkled hand on her knee. "You're here to help us, Rachel. Your parents are dead, and you have no one else. I knew them well, and it was their wish that I take care of you if anything happened to them. Alright?”

He grinned toothily, showing more gum than anything else.

Kallista showed her teeth briefly and backed away, not trusting his smile.

Rachel didn't say a word.

The first thing they learned from Aldous Leekie was that people lied.

* * *

Despite her years, Rachel possessed high intelligence. She had asked Leekie many times, always with an expression of cherubic innocence, how her parents had died.

He usually dismissed her questioning by saying it wasn't something for little girl's ears. But over the passing weeks she persisted until he admitted they had died in a laboratory explosion.

When he said this, Rachel had remained very quiet, more so than usual, for the rest of the day, processing this new information.

Over many more careful proddings at Leekie's psyche, Rachel knew, she simply _knew_ that he'd had something to do with her parents' demise.

She knew she could never prove it, and she was a child, worse, a girl. She would never be taken seriously by others.

She simply had to watch, observe and learn.

Daddy had always said, when she put her mind to it, she was so determined she could master any skill. Mummy had scoffed and remarked that even if Rachel had the talent to manipulate, she hadn't the inclination.

_We’ll see about that, _Rachel had determined to herself.__

* * *

__It was only a few months later that her mettle was truly tested._ _

"Hello again, Rachel," Leekie smiled that gum-filled grin that always made Kallista's fur shift uneasily over her back, "I have something to tell you."

"What?" Rachel demanded, petulant. She clung to Kallista, who was in the form of a stoat, with a tan coat and a creamy throat and belly.

Doctor Leekie frowned for a moment, then forced another smile as he delivered his news, "You're going to go to boarding school!" he beamed.

Rachel stared at him levelly, despite the fact that he was sitting across from her and his face more than a foot above than hers.

"You're sending me away," she stated imperiously, "Why?" Kallista, stoat-formed in her young mistress' lap, gazed imperiously at Leekie.

"Well, to teach you things we can't teach you here. This is a fancy academy for _young ladies_ ," he stressed, "I'm sure you'll like it there and make friends."

At this, Kallista’s fur bristled, and Rachel scowled.

"No." she said simply.

Leekie's facial muscles twitched impatiently, "Rachel, it's a very prestigious school, and comes highly recommended-"

"I won't go!" Rachel suddenly shouted at him, her face going pink in anger, "You can't make me!"

Kallista bared her teeth and squeaked shrilly in agreement.

Leekie had reached the end of his tenuous patience, "You'll be arriving just in time for the start of term. It's already settled. So the less fuss you make, the better."

Rachel leapt to her feet, "I hate you!" she screamed in his face.

He struck her, a sudden blow to the cheek with the flat of his palm that sent her head snapping to the side.

_(Daddy had never hit her. Mummy did once, a stinging swat on the back of her hand that left her sobbing and gulping until Daddy had given her a hug, and, just that once, she hadn't minded the closeness.)_

Rachel gasped, dropping Kallista to the floor in shock where her dæmon, at once, became a savage, snarling tigress, face-to-face with Leekie, who was still sitting. She was larger even than Rachel, who was tall for her age.

Leekie remained very still, but not out of fear — his dæmon's usually fluttering wings were calmly folded to her sides.

"Now, I didn't want to do that, Rachel," he told her, ignoring Kallista, standing up and smoothing down his suit, "But Susan and Ethan clearly didn't teach you to respect your elders."

Rachel glared up at him fiercely, a red mark blooming on her face, over her cheekbone, "You haven't even the right to speak their names, let alone touch their daughter."

She saw a vein pulsing in his temple, and took satisfaction from it. Her little fist held tightly to Kallista’s striped fur.

"You'll leave in the morning," Leekie snapped, brushing past her, "We'll see how a holiday spent in an empty school will teach you manners."

Rachel smiled defiantly, and did not wince when it pulled at the bruising flesh of her cheek.

* * *

_“Something in my soul was rising, rising, ceaselessly, painfully, and refused to be still.”_

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

**Author's Note:**

> check out my [fanfic blog](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com) and send me prompts and shite :)
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. let me know what you think!


End file.
